This year, on Yom Kippur — The Holiest Day of the Year — I’ve been thinking a lot about life and its intricacies.

I recently made two friends who are Jewish and started reading a bit into Jewish culture. I find Yom Kippur to be a lovely thing to celebrate - a day to reflect. This year, I’ve been thinking about forgiveness and love.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life. I have experienced toxicity, jealousy, envy, rage, hate, and ego - all of it deep inside me. Many times, I’ve directed it at people and caused a lot of harm too. Some of these mistakes caused minor infarctions, others still linger in people’s minds and have probably etched grudges against me.

I carry some of these too.

I’ve spent countless nights thinking about how I’d do things differently—bring more flowers and show more love to my ex, not talk behind an old friend’s back, go out of my way to help my co-worker, be a better teammate at school, and a more grateful son to my parents. I’ve asked myself countless times, “Why did I commit such a sin?”

Finally, I think I’ve reached an answer: I did what seemed best to me at that time. I fought with my ex thinking control would make me feel secure. I spoke behind my friend’s back, hoping to appear cleaner with others. I gatekept information, believing it would make me seem smarter. I didn’t show enough gratitude, thinking occasional success gave me entitlement. But again, this was the best I could do then.

Don’t I still sound arrogant? Maybe. But in those moments, I didn’t have the strength or humility to do the right thing. It’s easier to choose the wrong path and get your two minutes of fame, control, or comfort, but much harder to toil nobly and go unrecognized.

However, even in our most malicious mistakes, we are often insecure, weak, or scared. Almost every mistake boils down to this.

Once we understand this, we can learn to forgive—not just others but also ourselves.

Forgiveness is complex. It means telling yourself it’s okay to mess up while also reminding yourself not to do it again. It’s a tug of war in our feeble minds. I’ve often felt bad yet repeated the same mistakes.

Christian Bale, as Batman, famously says, “It’s not who you are underneath but what you do that defines you.” Forgiveness embodies both—it acknowledges who we were while urging us to do better in the future.

Forgiveness helps us come to terms with our sins and virtues, guiding us to heal through guilt.

Guilt! That gnawing, haunting feeling that follows mistakes. If only we could go back and change things. But I’ve come to realize guilt is actually positive. It pushes us to change and discourages us from making the same mistakes. Guilt shouldn’t overwhelm us—it should act as a beacon toward betterment.

Sometimes, I wonder if there’s any point in bettering myself after the damage is done. The breakup has happened. The friend doesn’t call anymore. The coworker doesn’t invite me to parties. Parents feel distant. But that’s defeatist thinking.

Doing better isn’t just about the past—it’s about the future. It’s about being better for the next person you love, the next friend you make, or even the child you parent. Mistakes don’t define us or those around us—they’re just part of our shared journey of learning and growth.

Loyalty comes from acceptance, not perfection. People aren’t zero-sum—someone taking something from us doesn’t mean we should take from them. Instead, we ask them to do better, but first, we must give ourselves that same strength.

Forgiveness opens the door to love—for our imperfections and the unique, eccentric people we meet every day (all 8.2 billion of them).

So, as Yom Kippur ends this year, I choose to forgive. I hope you do too.